It had been 17 long years. I didn't even try to hide it. My family and friends knew that I took pain medication. After all, I had reason. I was in constant pain. After breaking my right hip years ago and having numerous other arthritic conditions including compressed discs in my neck; I was given hydrocodiene to help subside the pain and help me function day to day. My doctor was diligent about controlling the amount of medication I took and I took them three times per day religiously. I figured, why wait until your hurting? It just made more sense to me to take it on schedule and avoid the pain as much as possible. So for a good part of my life, I never left home without 'em.
I could tell when four to four and a half hours had passed because #1 I would start to hurt and #2 I would become apprehensive. I'm telling you this for one reason only. I want to tell you that even though I had an addiction which was controlling my life; it was medication that was prescribed to me and that I never, ever abused it. Yet, now that I have stopped taking it with the help of a little self-control and a whole lot of help from God; I want to let others know that they too can admit to their shortcomings and stop those addictions that are in their lives. It isn't easy and can actually be quite embarrassing to talk about one's addictions. It is something that I am not proud of, but if it can help someone else to stop a destructive behavior, then it is truly worth telling. Just helping someone with what I have experienced, makes my life worth living.
I've never been someone to shirk my responsibilities. So from the very beginning I thought that I could stay on top of the medication down sides and use my intelligence to overcome whatever pitfalls that I might encounter. When I began to take four tablets per day instead of three, trouble ensued. I began running out of my medication at a faster rate. This was not a good feeling. The stress of "What to do?" "How do I approach my doctor?" kept me up at night. It also put a burden on those around me. Jerry, my husband, always kept an eye on all my medications, keeping them up to date and in sufficient supply. So when I began to use more and had less long before I should have, he felt responsible to "fix" it. It became a dilemma that gave me a terrible feeling of hopelessness. I felt captive to something that I knew my body craved and the situation honestly devoured my thoughts day and night.
Now enters the "Big Guy!" Two weeks ago, the dilemma occurred once again. I was OUT! Panic stricken, I considered my options. I could maybe borrow from friends, only to have to repay. I could call my doctor and explain the situation (again); or I could stop this merry-go-round and get off! No small task. I had read that the withdrawal symptoms were rough. I realized that after taking pain meds for all these years; it wouldn't be easy to stop taking them. There had been times in the past that I had tried putting up with the withdrawal symptoms before just to later give up. I had tried a few times to stop and had not succeeded. The pain, the vomiting, the severe headaches; I had experienced all of it several times before. My doctor suggested weening myself instead of just stopping the drug. I didn't want a quick fix or a temporary solution. I wanted this whole scenario to come to a stop. I wanted to be done with it and I knew that I could not do this by myself.
Enter God! The day I realized that I was OUT, I got on my knees and begged the Lord to deliver me. My God does miraculous things in people's lives. I knew in my heart that He was more than able to deliver me, no matter how long I had been taking them. As I prayed, I also knew that He would ask several things from me in return. He would ask me to muster up as much self-control that I could possess. He would also deserve all the credit and He knew that I would insist that He receive all the glory.
That was exactly two weeks ago. I have been not only relatively pain free, but have not had any side effects or withdrawal symptoms. In God's Hands I have put my addiction and through God's Goodness I have been set free. The chains have been broken and I no longer watch the clock to see "If it's possibly time yet?". There is also a bonus to this recovery. Hydrocodiene is a downer and relaxes the muscles. While taking it, I noticed that I would be unable to speak because of the relaxation that it caused my muscles. I had always told everyone that if I could choose my healing, that it would be my speech that I would want improved. I want so badly to be able to not only witness about Jesus Christ; but to also testify to the great things that He has done in my life. Now, I am able to speak much easier and clearer.
So as I reread this Blog, I have to wonder what the reader will think of me. It was something that had to be written because all the Glory goes to my God. I want everyone to feel that no matter what you might be facing, you don't have to face it alone. I'm hoping that you, my reader, will realize that we all struggle with situations in life. We all fall into bad habits, addictions, and ruts of everyday setbacks. There is never a point where God is not willing to see us through. Ask and it shall be given unto you.
Chains can be broken and new life can be had.
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