TIME TO SAY GOODBYE.

It's been fun. Blogging is a great way to express your feelings in a way that can be entertaining. but after a while in can become a crutch. Do I write for others or do I write for myself? Then there's the guilt of not writing because you're worried you are either boring people to death or perhaps just looking for cheap therapy. Well, what ever "the story", my blogging days are over. No more blogs will go into cyber space to clutter mailboxes, be politely read and deleted or passed on to unsuspecting friends.

Whether your favorites were the pithy ones, the humorous ones or maybe there may have even been those that brought a tear to your eye; this is a new year and with all things new, something must end. Before you put my blogs to rest, I have one more blog to send out. It may not seem important to you while you scurry around at this time of year putting away Christmas decorations that have accumulated a month's worth of dust hanging in your home. I assure you, that to me, this blog is of utmost importance. For me, this marks the end to the "easy way out". You've probably heard the saying "Either put up or shut up!". If the day ever comes when I use my writing as the talent that I'm hoping it is, let that day be today.

My first book obviously never hit the New York Times' best seller list. Neither was Rome built in a day. I am a work in progress and am willing to step out of the boat in faith that if ever I am to be everything I was meant to be, today is the time to begin. I'd like to thank you, my readers, for all the support and encouragement that you have so generously given me. Without your constant love and comments, I would have never written my 1st book and "Yes" there is now a second. You can't imagine what it meant to me to have had your words urging me on when discouragement set it. For these simple, but constant nudges, I will be forever grateful.

And so, as I close this chapter of my pennings, I look forward to keeping in touch with the people who took the time to read my writings. I am by no means laying down the pen or closing the keyboard. It has served me well and I know that, God willing, it will continue to do so. Public writing is no longer on my agenda. I will seek out a willing publisher to publish my second book
"Out of Darkness" and soon try my hand at a novel.

I invite you to share with me in this new adventure, my friends, by keeping your friendships and e-mails coming. I need them now more than ever. Wish me luck and God speed.

IN MY FATHER'S HANDS...

I am safe. Secure to be at rest and without fear of forces that threaten my well being.
For my Father God has known me since before I was even knit in my mother's womb. There should be nothing that I fear, for my Lord has said, "Verily I say unto you, except ye be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven". Matthew 18:3. KJV.

When did the words fear, burden, weariness, mistrust and despair creep into your vocabulary? As I gaze into my granddaughter's big, brown eyes in this picture, I am aware of one thing. In the hand's of her father, she is at ease. Oh, if only we could be that confident and trusting that our heavenly Father has us safely in his grip. A child surrenders to her trusting notions that, since the day she is conceived, her parents will hold her up, fulfill her needs, and keep harm at bay.

When did I ever go through the "fire" and not be protected from the flames. My Lord has always been by my side even though the rocky road may cause me to stumble. Oh yes, I have often thrashed around on His strong arm. His grip has even seemed like pressure to keep me safely in place; but that's usually because I was tense and not willing to surrender; flopping around to follow disobedient, self absorbed ways.

My grandchild's little head resting comfortably in her father's hands teaches me that I don't always have to be doing, preforming or even happy. She is not smiling. She is just being. In the protection of her father, there is no great expectation put upon her at the moment. She is just his child and welcome in his hands. Our Heavenly Father only expects one thing from us; to love Him with all that we are at the present time.

May I be at ease, Lord, to lean into you as my grandchild leans on her father's hands. Help both of us to learn that whether we are laughing or weeping our Father's hands will be the steady, but easy grip that will pick us up when we fall and hold our fragile hands when we dance.

Turning the clocks back!

No, I'm not talking about turning our time pieces back. This is not a spring ahead-fall back thing; this is about history repeating itself. Today I was getting the two youngest grandsons ready for school and it dawned on me that three years ago, I was doing the exact same thing. My daughter has returned to Mississippi to take care of some important business for the next two weeks. I, on the on the other hand, am playing mom. Waking the boys who are 10 and 11, helping with homework, picking out school clothes, and just helping in which ever way I can to be their "mom" until she returns.

Time really flies, things change and yet; we, at times, find ourselves in the same circumstances that we've already gone through. You know, there are even times when you find yourselves saying and doing certain things and you think, "Oh my goodness! I've turned into my mother!" Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with good ole mom, it's just a bit unsettling when you look into the mirror one day and you resemble her! You also find that mom was pretty darn smart.

Today, I honestly feel that things are going in reverse. Right after Hurricane Katrina blew my daughter with her husband and three children up here to be near family. It was bitter-sweet then and I loved the fact that after twelve years, she would be near by. Knowing that she had lost everything was not even fathomable to me. I could see the pain in her eyes. I remember the day that I had found a small box of baby clothes that she had sent me for my doll collection. They were the boy's baby clothes. She opened the box and smelled them holding them close to her heart while tears fell from her eyes.

Even the boys were missing their teachers and friends. You could tell that they had learned a very difficult lesson. Things change! They had gone through the rubble and found some of their favorite toys, but many of their favorite toys had either been water logged or blown away. Their young lives had dealt with a hardship that many adults don't even face. I just hope that it made them stronger for whatever their lives may bring.

So, as we wait for my daugter's return, we will make the best of the time we have. The cold fall air may very well blow them back to the warm southern states. Only time will tell. I want what is best for all of them. Selfishness has no room here! When you try to live by God's Will, things are always for a season. Perhaps, a new adventure is ahead of all of us. Just take it a day at a time, even if means rolling backward.

Cops, Chaplains & Cabbage

You know why I love life? You just don't know what the day will bring your way. If my front door could talk or write, well let's just say there would be stories galore. My foyer has seen more than it's share of writable stories. It makes me wonder if I am the exception or if everyone else has such a wide variety of people shadowing their front door step? Perhaps it is the characters that call this house a home that seems to draw the variety of visitors we seem to attract. I'm not sure, but I can tell you that when you open the inside door, you just never know who or what you will come face to face with. You just know that the dogs will bark, the cats will scatter, and the kids will run upstairs hoping that one of their friends have come to visit or to invite them onto another realm if only for awhile.

I,on the other hand,am not usually anxious to answer the door. Visitors are usually few and far between. Today was no exception as my oldest grandson stepped over one dog while scooping up the other. "Gramma", he shouted, "it's Miss Peg." I kind of grimaced. Not that I don't like my neighbor, she is a wonderful lady. She is always coming over to bring tomatoes, apples, things the boys might like. I can always count on her friendly, giving ways to brighten my day. Today was no exception! In Peg walked with the biggest cabbage that I had ever seen in my life. "Oh my God!, I cried. Peg, where did you get that?" "In my garden!" She proudly admitted. "What! I've never, ever seen a cabbage that huge!" This thing is as large as a pumpkin. It had to have weighed a good twenty pounds. I scrambled to make a spot nearby that would be large enough to accommodate this big, green mass. "Hope you like cabbage!" I thanked her and assured her that although I knew just what I would do with the veggie, sharing it would probably be something that I would certainly be doing. I envisioned ALL the neighbors cooking cabbage for dinner within the next few nights.

As we were cutting the cabbage in neighborly portions, another knock at the door started the dogs a yapping. "Not again!" I wheeled myself through the cats, brushed the dog from the door and was ready for anything but this. A squad car at my curb and a policeman at my screen door.

"Yes," I gingerly asked. My mind raced to search the whereabouts of my family. Kids? In the basement and all accounted for. Husband, distributing masses of cabbage to neighbors. Daughter, working and had just been called for the third time by youngest son to go in a friend's pool. All safe and sound! "Good morning, Officer, what can I do for you today?" He was standing on my stoop straight, tall and handsome. I'd seen him often, riding around the neighborhood in his squad car."Hi, Lynne. Do you have a cat?" I had to think about that one! "Yes, of course, I have a cat." I thought about spilling my gut and begging him to take one or two off my hands but thought better of it. "Well, it seems that we have received a complaint about your cats roaming the common grounds. Elwood has a cat leash law. You must keep your cats in or on a leash." The cop sort of gave me a sheepish look. It was as if he knew that was next to impossible with all the people coming and going out the door, patio doors and garage. "Yes, Officer, I will do my best". With that Corey, my dog slid out the front door and gave the Officer the royal welcome. "Oh, Officer, I always keep my dog confined, too!"

Things gradually went back to normal. I put the cabbage on to boil, the cats were all napping on their favorite blankets and I was rather worried how I would ever juggle the life that I was living. Things seemed to always be in a turmoil at our house. I thought about telling the cats that they couldn't ever go out to play in the grass again; but decided to let them dream on. I'd wait till after supper. When a knock at the door once again stopped me in my tracks."Oh,no! Did a cat get out past the guard already? I crawled to the door to find my daughter's Pastor. "Wow, am I glad to see you", I said. He looked at me quite puzzled. I didn't even explain myself to him. "I just stopped in to see Kerry and the boys. I missed them in church this morning." "Well come right in," I replied. "I will get them for you." I was quite impressed that their Pastor would take his time out to go looking for his lost sheep. "By the way, Pastor, would you like some cabbage?"

BREAKING THE CHAINS...

It had been 17 long years. I didn't even try to hide it. My family and friends knew that I took pain medication. After all, I had reason. I was in constant pain. After breaking my right hip years ago and having numerous other arthritic conditions including compressed discs in my neck; I was given hydrocodiene to help subside the pain and help me function day to day. My doctor was diligent about controlling the amount of medication I took and I took them three times per day religiously. I figured, why wait until your hurting? It just made more sense to me to take it on schedule and avoid the pain as much as possible. So for a good part of my life, I never left home without 'em.

I could tell when four to four and a half hours had passed because #1 I would start to hurt and #2 I would become apprehensive. I'm telling you this for one reason only. I want to tell you that even though I had an addiction which was controlling my life; it was medication that was prescribed to me and that I never, ever abused it. Yet, now that I have stopped taking it with the help of a little self-control and a whole lot of help from God; I want to let others know that they too can admit to their shortcomings and stop those addictions that are in their lives. It isn't easy and can actually be quite embarrassing to talk about one's addictions. It is something that I am not proud of, but if it can help someone else to stop a destructive behavior, then it is truly worth telling. Just helping someone with what I have experienced, makes my life worth living.

I've never been someone to shirk my responsibilities. So from the very beginning I thought that I could stay on top of the medication down sides and use my intelligence to overcome whatever pitfalls that I might encounter. When I began to take four tablets per day instead of three, trouble ensued. I began running out of my medication at a faster rate. This was not a good feeling. The stress of "What to do?" "How do I approach my doctor?" kept me up at night. It also put a burden on those around me. Jerry, my husband, always kept an eye on all my medications, keeping them up to date and in sufficient supply. So when I began to use more and had less long before I should have, he felt responsible to "fix" it. It became a dilemma that gave me a terrible feeling of hopelessness. I felt captive to something that I knew my body craved and the situation honestly devoured my thoughts day and night.

Now enters the "Big Guy!" Two weeks ago, the dilemma occurred once again. I was OUT! Panic stricken, I considered my options. I could maybe borrow from friends, only to have to repay. I could call my doctor and explain the situation (again); or I could stop this merry-go-round and get off! No small task. I had read that the withdrawal symptoms were rough. I realized that after taking pain meds for all these years; it wouldn't be easy to stop taking them. There had been times in the past that I had tried putting up with the withdrawal symptoms before just to later give up. I had tried a few times to stop and had not succeeded. The pain, the vomiting, the severe headaches; I had experienced all of it several times before. My doctor suggested weening myself instead of just stopping the drug. I didn't want a quick fix or a temporary solution. I wanted this whole scenario to come to a stop. I wanted to be done with it and I knew that I could not do this by myself.

Enter God! The day I realized that I was OUT, I got on my knees and begged the Lord to deliver me. My God does miraculous things in people's lives. I knew in my heart that He was more than able to deliver me, no matter how long I had been taking them. As I prayed, I also knew that He would ask several things from me in return. He would ask me to muster up as much self-control that I could possess. He would also deserve all the credit and He knew that I would insist that He receive all the glory.

That was exactly two weeks ago. I have been not only relatively pain free, but have not had any side effects or withdrawal symptoms. In God's Hands I have put my addiction and through God's Goodness I have been set free. The chains have been broken and I no longer watch the clock to see "If it's possibly time yet?". There is also a bonus to this recovery. Hydrocodiene is a downer and relaxes the muscles. While taking it, I noticed that I would be unable to speak because of the relaxation that it caused my muscles. I had always told everyone that if I could choose my healing, that it would be my speech that I would want improved. I want so badly to be able to not only witness about Jesus Christ; but to also testify to the great things that He has done in my life. Now, I am able to speak much easier and clearer.

So as I reread this Blog, I have to wonder what the reader will think of me. It was something that had to be written because all the Glory goes to my God. I want everyone to feel that no matter what you might be facing, you don't have to face it alone. I'm hoping that you, my reader, will realize that we all struggle with situations in life. We all fall into bad habits, addictions, and ruts of everyday setbacks. There is never a point where God is not willing to see us through. Ask and it shall be given unto you.

Chains can be broken and new life can be had.

Preaching at the Carnival!

I hadn't seen him for a few days, so when my BF, Steve came in for the week-end, I was elated. Of course, he's tired, dirty, hungry and mentally exhausted from preaching on the streets. So his first night here is usually filled with eating, showering and sleeping while watching TV. So it truly surprised me that when I mentioned Catfish Days going on this week-end in Wilmington, Steven mentioned the yummy,corn dogs and funnel cakes. "Oh, yes!" I agreed that they have those at every carnival and they taste so good there. "Well, why don't we take a ride down there?", Steve suggested. "Sure!" I didn't have to be asked twice. Anyway, my daughter and three grandsons were going and we could meet up with them. So, sure enough, we took off for corn dogs and bright lights.

The carnival was in full swing. Crowds, traffic, rides, food, games, all types of carnivalalities (I made that word up!) This July evening's weather was perfect and I was feeling wonderful, almost like a kid again. I hadn't been to a carnival since last fall and it just seemed so perfect. We waved at some friends and walked over by the corn dog stand. "Smells wonderful." I was thanking God for my rich, full life. Taking into account all the wonderful blessings that I have. All the many friends and family that I can say are sure a big part of my life. I don't feel like I lack for anything. Steve said "I'll buy you 'dinner'. Corn dog and lemonade?" "Yes.", I said. I'll admit I had to grin inside because I thought, "Hmmm, I wonder how many women can say that they are taken out for 'dinner' by a homeless man to a carnival?"

So we ate out dinner sitting on a bench in a dugout. The seat was close to the hot dog wagon and we didn't have to walk far. As we ate, we just people watched. We love doing that and could do it for hours. As we sat there we noticed a young, blond boy passing out Bible tracks. He must have been about ten years old. It was fun to watch people reacting to what he was passing out. Some people took the circular, while others refused it. Some noticed just what it was and gave it back to him. While we were sitting there, the boy's Pastor came by and encouraged him to continue to be a witness for Christ. Steve began a conversation very easily with the man and they talked briefly. I just watched and observed them, trying to take it all in. The noises, the sights and the beautiful sunset on the river near the porta-potties were beyond words. Unless you're a writer, of course, and then the sights were shining, luminous, romantic, and breathtaking all in one. It made me yearn for my youth. The water glistened, the sun streamed through the rain clouds on the horizon and I wondered if all this was not available to the senses of the younger crowd. I often find myself soaking things up like a sponge. I put them into my mind's memory bank for future writing or fond recollections when I can no longer physically get around. "Let's go find Kerry and the boys." I suggested.

I thought my daughter and grandsons should be here by now. Where could they be? Steve and I aren't that hard to find. We decided to play a few of the carnival games just for fun. "What are you good at, Steve?" "I'm pretty good at darts!" Darts it was, until the carnival attendant decided if we "slipped" her $15.00, she would "slip" us a prize. "Let's go down to the beer garden and see what band is playing," Steve said. Well, I doubt Kerry and the boys are down there, I thought. She didn't say for sure she'd be here, but I sure don't see her around here. Kerry can be unpredictable at times. So as we walked out of the carnival ride area, we couldn't help but notice some of the hand-outs had been discarded and were laying on the ground. There was a spot where someone had eaten part of a enchilada and dropped it on the ground right next to one of the Bible Tracks. It hit me hard that there was God's Word just tossed down and trampled on like garbage. It just seemed so disrespectful and, yet, so tragically typical of today's carnal world.

As we began to leave the area, we came upon a group of Christians who were preaching and reading from the Bible. There were men and women with young children standing near the entrance. They were oddly dressed in long dresses, hair pulled up and covered. They seemed almost Amish to me. Standing on a two-step step stool, they were taking turns reading out of the Bible. As we approached, I could hear the young woman reading out of Genesis. The minute we came near, I got goose bumps. I knew this is right up our alley and things are going to get interesting. As we watched it was amazing to watch the little boy whom we had seen before preach.. People did stop, but most of them grabbed their children and hurried by. It is funny to watch people come face to face with Godly things. They are either wanting to get involved or they want to try to ignore it altogether. Well, you probably know what Steve wanted to do. So, as I hurried to the car to phone my daughter, Steve stayed there to give encouragement to those speaking and I ran to make a call. I knew then that Steve's feet were going to make it to that two-step, step stool. Now, how did I know that?

When I called home, my daughter answered immediately. "Where are you?" she asked. "I'm at the carnival??? Where are you?" Kerry then told me that it was pouring down rain in Elwood. "Well, it's certainly not raining here, I assured her. It did look threatening to the North, but rain was the farthest thing from my mind. "I've got to get back to the carnival, because I think Steve is about to preach." "What? Mom are you alright?" I assured her indeed, I was just fine. "Gotta go, can't miss it. See you later. Wish you were here, bye." Back to the carnival with a couple of Rollingaround in the light of the Son books in my wheelchair pocket. Just in case I might want to bless the pastor.

When I made my way back through the traffic and crowds, I arrived just in time to hear the pastor preach from the Bible. As he ended, I could see Steve approach the man and encourage him to keep on witnessing. Steven then asked permission to step up to the stand. "You want to preach? Sure, Brother, be my guest." As Steve got himself on the stool, I knew that this would be one for the books. He had been waiting for this opportunity for a long time.

It was at this time that time stood still and things became surreal for me. As I watched Steve begin preaching to the crowd, all my senses became acutely aware of everything at once. Steve looked like a giant! He is a very tall man as it is. On the step-stool he just took on a huge presence. It was dusk, so the carnival lights were bright and blinking. As I looked at my friend with the colorful lights in the background, it seemed like a dream. His camos couldn't hide his passion as he preached redemption to the crowd. He was animated, his beard bouncing , his arms waving, his voice ringing out with warning of the End Time. "Wow", I thought. "Steve is grabbing people's attention." I looked around and watched the group grow larger by the second. I even heard the other pastor say, "He preaches like John the Baptist!" I wanted to say, "Yes, but he doesn't eat locusts." Since I couldn't say that for sure, I decided not to mention something that I wasn't 100% sure of.

"Repent, before it is too late. For soon, He will come. In the twinkling of an eye. We know that the time is near. We need to prepare! The sky will rip from East to West and the trumpet will blow. We need to be ready." The crowd gathered. Some were in agreement, while others tried to walk by as quickly as possible. Before too long, it was evident that Steve was making an impact. Some nodded, smiled, clapped, while others mocked him. A wide variety of reactions were present, including my own. It was my own reactions that surprised me. I didn't expect the surreal feelings that came like a wave over me. I only wanted to be part of the crowd. I certainly didn't expect my friend to be preaching at the carnival. I usually enjoy just being in the background, while Steve is well versed in public speaking. I was faced with the feelings of being a definite part of a minority. We were doing God's work, preaching God's Word and in the most unlikely place. Part of me wanted to run, but another part of me wanted to stand firm and be encouraging to those bold enough to be jeered at, ridiculed and scorned.

When the other pastor asked me if that was my husband, I just smiled and said "No, but he is a great friend." When one of the other witnesses asked Steve, "Did you ever do this before?" Steven didn't have to even answer. "Of course, he has!" said the pastor. I smiled knowing that the carnival crowd had received just a small peek into the passion that some people have for the Lord. They may have come for the corn dogs and the funnel cakes; but they were given food for thought and Words that could bring them eternal life. They may long remember the sight of the tall, bearded man giving a message. Most importantly, they will hear his words ring true in their hearts.

We'll go walking after midnight

When I blogged about my dog, Corey, no one was surprised. Everyone knows that most dogs are very loyal, trainable and protective. What people rarely hear about is my cat, K.C.. Now, K.C. is not your usual cat by any means. Oh sure, she is independent and has that typical kitty attitude about her, but she does something that is quite unusual. Whenever I go out wheeling in the evening, K.C. goes with me. Not on a leash, mind you; but on her own. She follows me all the way around the block, or several blocks, or even over to the park. At first, I thought it might have been just coincidental that every time I would turn around, K.C. would be following at a short distance. Until I finally realized that every time I took my evening walk, my cat would be right behind me until we returned home.

The neighbors see me walking in the evening and they will comment "There is a cat following you!" I turn and sure enough, my cat is following me on my journey. "Yes, she is mine. We're out for a stroll." People find humor in that. I find a lesson! Of course, I also find ideas for Blogs. Any little excuse to write! It amazes me that my cat will follow me anywhere I go. It is as if he thinks that it is his duty to keep an eye on me. He will just follow from a distance and when he thinks I'm a little to far ahead of him, he will run as if he were a Great Dane to catch up with me. Not next to me. but just far enough to be close by.

I've been thinking about that lately and it reminded me of God's ever presence in my life. Even if I forget to acknowledge Him, God never forsakes me. In my busy life, He is always there. God never forces Himself on anyone. His patience surpasses our own understanding. Business as usual is always on God's agenda. Even when my own agenda is filled with things without a thought about Him. His mind is on me. Just like my cat, who keeps up with me in a very discreet way; my God is always near by watching my joys, my sorrows, and even my struggles. Whether I am in a valley or on the mountain top, my God is following my every move.

K.C. follows me as if she is my confident and closest friend, even though at home she acts as if she is a "laisez faire" type of creature. Following me as I walk, but ignoring me when I call her up into my lap once we arrive home; K.C. might like me to think that she is a finicky feline; but I know that she adores me and looks forward to our little strolls.

I, on the other hand, try to keep it in my head and heart that God is always near by. He keeps me rolling on the long and narrow path. While K.C. will only follow after the heat of the day is through. God always walks with me, especially in the Light of the Son.